#i shouldn't think about things this late
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Okay, it's kinda late for me to be awake and mentally functioning, but i just got a 10/10 best good idea. So, with my teeth project going so well and making the teeth bigger (and hopefully at least a bit stronger), i just got thinking about the effect of using an excess of calcium or an excess of phosphorus. I'm actually still not sure what effect those changes would have at all except maybe promoting different calcium phosphates (eg. Ca3(PO4)2 vs Ca10(PO4)6(OH)2) though those phases are mostly controlled by pH (i think, but i'm not really thinking well right now). But anyway, so, if you remember superfest glass as was made in east germany (the glass that was so hard that it broke your floor before it broke), you should know that the way it achieved that very high hardness was through ion exchange. They formed the glass into shape as pretty normal glass with a fair amount of sodium in it (as is normal) but then they sprayed the glass with a fair amount of molten potassium chloride (iirc) which can allow a potassium ion to swap in for a sodium ion which ends up putting a ton of stress on the outside of the glass in such a way that it makes the material very resistant to breaking. That was probably explained very badly. Anyway, so, what if you did a similar thing with the teeth? Like, i know that amorphous silica with alkali ions isn't exactly the same as teeth which are formed of a ton of perfectly askew very tiny crystals of calcium phosphate, but still. While it may not actually be the same principle in this case, bones with a higher amount of strontium replacing calcium have been noted to have significantly higher strength, which at least to me indicates that it may be due to causing these beneficial internal stresses. All this to say that while i think it may be a decent idea, strontium is expensive, there's very very few ions that i could replace the phosphate with (maybe sulphate? i can't find good info on the ionic radii of either PO4 or SO4) so unless i swap a calcium with 2 Na+ or K+, all my remaining options are either organic nightmares or extraordinarily toxic (and probably radioactive too!). Right before i went to post this i thought maybe swapping out the calcium for a smaller ion might also do the trick? IDK if that's true. Probably not, there's probably something about how it impacts the forces or something, but maybe. And if replacing the ions with smaller ones helps, then i vote for iron because it's super cheap and small and pretty safe
#this went longer than intended#teeth#i shouldn't think about things this late#maybe in the morning i'll think smarter thoughts about this?#ion replacement#internal stresses#chemistry#way too tired#must sleep#i like having weird projects#who else can say they've been growing their teeth and contemplating ways of introducing internal stress in order to strengthen them?#probably almost nobody#not like this is actually that cool#or a flex of any kind#but still#okay byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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[images ID: three images of a comic titled "one must imagine sisyphus happy" by druid-for-hire. it is a visual narrative beginning with someone with wrist pain (depicted by bright orange nerves) working at a drafting table. the reader is shown the same wrist as the person uses it for many everyday tasks such as carrying a grocery basket, pushing elevator buttons, typing, and doing dishes, until the pain dissolves all the panels into chaos. the person then performs several physical therapy exercises until the pain subsides. they sit back down at a desk with their laptop, sigh, and begin typing. a small spark of pain reappears. end id]
a fun little piece i made during the semester and submitted into our school comic anthology! (which you can buy at the Static Fish table at MoCCAFest in NYC ;] ). it's about artists and injury
#comic art#comics#original comic#chronic pain#carpal tunnel#tendonitis#my art#original#edit: what a delightful surprise to see this take off#this was made for class on very low fuel and very few thoughts and late at night and exhausted#the prompt was just a wordless narrative essay. three pages. and i had nothing and no ideas#and my head hurt and i was too tired to think about doing any of the like. research and mind mapping and ideating i'd do otherwise#but my arm hurt#so i decided to do a thing about arm hurty#i'm surprised to see so many people finding it resonating with them#but then again i shouldn't be. the universal lies in the specific#i should make more things about smaller stuff
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im just gonna be honest gang obviously its gonna be easy for you to say youre in love with a character and theyre an angel when anytime they do something you don't like you brush it off as out of character
#bad writing is still canon unfortunately#the place where i absolutely draw the line is gallavich being verse don't fucking piss me off @shameless writers#unfortunately your fav characters did do and say those bad things..... and to ignore that is too fundamentally misunderstand their character#how can you love a person when you choose to be blind to who they are </3#this isn't directed toward anybody y'all are just being very dramatic lately and really i think we should remember that tv shows aren't real#i can recognize when someone is caused by bad writing but i still have to accept that it's a real thing that happened#like. do i find shameless entertaining? YES! is it well written? FUCK NO#it's actually fundamentally a bad show in many ways. but that's WHY i enjoy discussing it#it's why my hyperfixation hasn't died down. because theres just SO MUCH to pick apart and interpret and discuss!#it's actually so bad at times i blocked it out of my memory!#but if i believe something isn't canon or *shouldn't be canon* (HUGE difference between those 2 things)#then i should explain why i think that. and i also need to accept that others disagree#but if you say everything you don't like is just ooc bad writing and therefore not real to canon then#....lol what are you even doing here#like. we should be rallying against the writers for being actively racist homophobic transphobic fatphobic ableist etc#yet we're sitting here with our thumbs up our asses fighting about which character fanclub is the most oppressed#WHO CARESSSSS JOHN WELLS DOESN'T CARE ABOUT US IT TRULY ISN'T WORTH WASTING YOUR BREATH OVER#i just want to read about 2 toxic kinky boys kissing idk#let me say this tho! hardcore fiona stans you gotta be the most out of touch people on planet earth!#okay goodnight everypony#wall of text in the tags#a.txt
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planets
#tears of themis#luke pearce#tw// vent#im not sure why my art has been doing so badly lately#i know i shouldn't care much about numbers even more on twt since that place is#currently a dumpster fire#but i cant help but think its my fault and I'm doing something wrong#i feel like my art isnt good enough and I'm not as good as others#and that i dont do enough for the fandom#sorry#i kinda had to vent somewhere#i might regret this when i wake up#i always love and appreciate my moots who say the nicest and prettiest things to me so im trying to just focus on those#very beautiful people#again sorry for the selfishness#and thank you#anyways luke baby has a special place in my heart#i wanna draw more young luke and more raven#ill do my best
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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wait im sorry. ive never read past the first book of dotc and all my knowledge of it really just comes from your blogs. wh. why did the erins decide to include sexual violence in warriors? like. that seems a little. too much? like all im hearing of dotc is just. terrible shit. i like reading more angst/serious stuff (i wanna say darker but not in the way "dark media" usually means on this site) but this feels like WAYYY to much for a book series meant for kids....... what were they thinking??
I legitimately do not understand what people like about DOTC. You can go back to where I started this re-read, and you can visibly watch my charitability drain as the project goes on.
It feels like literally everything that people say they like about this arc is not there, while they've completely forgotten or misremembered SERIOUSLY awful shit
And now, listen. I'm a huge fan of xenofiction, which is a genre that is full of kid's and teen's media, but I do love more adult fiction. I love nuanced themes, dark subjects, and complicated plots.
DOTC's message is just plain odious. None of what it sets out to say is worth saying, and it's borderline incompetent at even saying it to begin with.
What they want to say with Clear Sky and Slash is that Clear Sky isn't "evil." He's a "fundamentally good person," and all of his intentions were good, so he learned a valuable lesson from all the abuse and murder. To say this, they CONTRAST him to Slash, a REAL evil person, who just loves hurting kids and harassing women. Clear Sky is good because he is not "real evil" like this fake, cartoon caricature we just made up.
There was absolutely zero need for them to write Slash the way they did. They really want you to be distressed for Clear Sky as his wife is assaulted in front of him and hauled off while kicking and screaming, and they decided the best way to do that was pregnant woman pinning face licking. Sexual violence is an easy way to disgust and anger an audience, simple as that.
As a kid you may not realize how messed up it is (though the asks I get on this blog are a testament to how many kids did, but didn't have the words to express their discomfort) but as an adult with your critical thinking on? It hits different.
#I do think there are books for kids which can handle these topics well#because the sad reality is... well. kids go through things they shouldn't have to#And it's *good* when they can find material for their age that addresses it in a respectful way#but wc is NOT that series.#These subjects are not handled tastefully or tactfully#and ive said it before and ill say it again#but what KILLS me about clear vs his two foil villains is that real abusers act like Clear.#They don't act like the other two.#Clear is SO real. Sometimes it feels like being ported right back into that position again#With a bunch of adults trying to force me to spend more time with that abuser#I know these excuses. I've heard them all.#And I've HEARD them make up some insane strawman to justify why the abuse done to me wasn't so bad#Much like what this story is doing with its two late-book villains#so it hits man.#Anyway stick around and we'll get to the scene. It's in this book towards the end
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The hell's up with all these anti-trans men/masc memes lately because I'm getting real sick of it real quick. It's not cute and it was never funny.
#textpost#This site's always been weird about trans men and it feels like it's gotten significantly worse lately#It's bad enough trans men are constantly belittled by the rest of the LGBT community I don't need to see that shit on here too#'Why would anyone ever want to be a man' is one I've been seeing a lot. Think before saying something that stupid#I've been wanting to make a post about this for a while now but haven't because I feel like it's swinging a bat at a hornet's nest#Which in itself is completely stupid. I shouldn't feel like that addressing these issues yet here we are#Damn near every single time I've seen a trans man on here mention that maybe we're being treated unfairly they get laughed at#Or told to suck it up or that we've got 'cis male privilege' or something. Do these people forget that we're TRANS??#I WISH the government saw me as a cis man but they don't#This is NOT a trans men vs trans women suffering olympics thing like some people seem determined to make it out to be#Every trans identity and trans person is affected by transphobic laws and people. We're in this shit together#And belittling trans men and ignoring us when we speak up about issues will only drive a wedge in the trans community#When we're divided we're weaker and that's how the transphobes get what they want#Anyway I'm sick of anti-trans men memes.
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the mortifying ordeal of trying to talk to people and absolutely whiffing it
#it is not my best time socialising lately#the urge to become hermit is massive#and like not to be a sad sack on main but it sometimes feels easier to just let people be and not annoy them#at least if you're lonely then you're lonely for reasons you understand... but then yknow#even talking about this online can get random people claiming you're whining or being manipulative or whatever#so. not easy to talk about the very real consequences of mental illness and social difficulty frankly#without coming off like an arsehole#maybe someone else could manage it... but not me I think#doesn't mean I shouldn't talk about it though right?#okay I'm not a sad sack that's unfair on me but still. I think 'getting real' about this shit can be a bit of a downer but#I pride myself on being actually very open and honest about things#and what I go through#and if anyone around me goes through the same I am more than happy to be a sounding board for the shared difficulty#the purpose of suffering isn't to be a Bigger or Better Person for it#there's no inherent purpose to suffering itself#but. being able to use those experiences to help others is something I personally like to do
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[[ok gang i am genuinely so sorry to be doing this literally RIGHT before the end of the event but i've got a whole buncha stuff lining up irl that i am starting to reeeaaally need to address/prioritize and there are a couple things that i still want to do for the "finale" here that i haven't had the time to set up, so all of this is to say iiii need to take at least a day or two to Slow Down And Chill for a bit
I haven't entirely decided if this means I'll take a full break like i have been for the weekends or if I'll just post a little less than I have been, it depends on how I end up feeling really. I will absolutely try my best to make up for the days I've missed tho! I have something pretty cool planned that I think has the potential to be pretty fun, just like i said I gotta set things in place first haha]]
#ooc#i was gonna work on a whole buncha things today but i. UGH. ended up hanging with my roommates instead 🙄#and ive actually been uh. yeah maybe a little Unwise with all this & working on it real late into the night and i am feeling it Catch Up#i'm really really hopeful that the stuff i need to set up shouldn't take more than like a day or two#and then maybe i'll still post a lil extra just to make up for it lol#but with about a million final projects (if i never have to write another fucking essay again i will ascend to the heavens) coming up-#- i am being forced to think maybe i will prioritize sleep a bit. for like a day at least#again i am sooo sorry and tbh im apologizing more to myself than anybody else so dont actually worry. but AUGH WE;RE SO CLOSE COME ONNNN#ahem. yeah you get it lmao ty for being such a cool audience so far <333333 i will return SOON!!!!!!!!!!
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Ok, but Shepard in a Fallout AU where, as a soldier before the bombs fell, she dies and is brought back to life by an Institute-like org -coughcerberuscough- but she's a synth and doesn't even know it.
#it's late and i shouldn't even be awake#why am i thinking#about combing my 2 favorite things#mass effect#and post-apoc stuff#send help ok#i can't be allowed to do this#monkey wrench time...#it's a shega fic#not a shakarian#or a shenko fic#ok seriously#going to sleep now#fallout#rue.txt
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"Criticizing problematic aspects of a show is a healthy way to express media literacy and they should be brought up to attention no matter what" and "we shouldn't just consider the bad things a show has and should enjoy media while still being aware of such bad things" are statements that can and should coexist.
#wanda talks#steins;gate#yes.. this is about steins;gate and the luka controversy#it's been bugging me lately that the only thing I hear people talk about steins;gate lately is just that#there's so much more to the series than just how a character has been horribly written in my opinion#look.. i'm the first person to be aware about how fucked up that trope is in japanese media in general and I agree it should be made aware#however- while still understanding that approach is harmful - steins;gate shouldn't be deemed as problematic#and anyone that watches and enjoys it aren't bad people#I think that as long as you know some stuff are harmful and not to be preached and/or romanticised.. it's fine to like said thing#here.. thank you for coming to my ted talk.. more daru content at 3 /j
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just watched season 1 of good omens. i have ideas brewing
#yes i am late to the party#yes i am thinking of using “crowley's fault” as a curse word because yk#he's a demon#also he shouldn't have thrown out the plant#but again#he is a demon so i don't really like blame him per say#but#will watch second season hopefully soon#ahhhh#also i am gaining a new appreication for neil gaiman's tumblr#it's kinda nice not thinking the creators think you're a rat that crawled out of a dumpster just for doing fandom shit#so#ye#good omens#:D#also this made me realize i have huge problems with screaming at the TV for characters to not do stupid things#like i was yelling at crowley about the plant#and then i was yelling at azirphale to use chopsticks#so ye
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so a while ago i made my alarm clock a news reader and today i woke up to a man saying ''news has just broken that liam payne aged 31 has died, falling from a balcony in buenos aires'' right next to my ear
fucking horrifying, i've never woken up that fast
#i'm shaken to the core#it was literally half an hour ago and i immediately spent like 20min scrolling through tiktok to see ppl talking about it#bc the first thing i thought about was how this happened now right when all that shit came up and ppl have been making fun of him#and shitting on him#- for completely valid reasons! bc of the allegations and ppl stepping forward etc but still#and i have to say i'm incredibly thankful that i've clearly interacted with the right ppl/accounts on there#bc the algorithm pretty much only showed me ppl talking about how it's important to remember that you're allowed to feel to things at once#that you are allowed to grieve him and still acknowledge what he did#that what tmz did was despicable and that he and his family didn't deserve that#and that you still shouldn't fucking harass the girls who came forward about him and you should still listen to them#that you can grieve for the version of him you thought he was when you were younger#and still be angry at the person he had become these past few years#and for the love of god to not harass the family or the other 1d members for tributes or harass maya henry or anyone else related to it#i think i might still be a little bit in shock#i can't feel anything#it just feels so surreal#1d was literally the reason i came to tumblr the reason i found fandom as a concept and it was a huge part of my life for so many years#so despite not being the biggest fan of him specifically esp lately it's still a huge shock and horror somehow#i remember thinking when i was younger that one day i would hear that one of the 1d member had died#and it felt insurmountable and absurd and horrible#but most of all i was just so sure it would be waaaay down the line#not now#anyway i just needed to come and let it out#rambles#ignore me
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Man it'd be horrible if I had superspeed. I procrastinate everything to the last minute and it's only in the final hour that my panic levels are high enough to make enough adrenaline in my ADHD riddled brain to counteract the Nothing Response™ and actually kickstart The Task™.
It's bad enough that I literally wait until the last possible second to do anything ever but if I had superspeed?!?! BRUH. I would be waiting until the last second. Because I would have so much time!
And you know the time blindness would be infinitely worse with relative time. Like goddamn, I barely understand the flow of time as it is and it's been consistent my entire life! I can't imagine navigating that when it isn't consistent.
#i say as i actively procrastinate#i am#currently doing the thing i talked about#im chill as a fucking cucumber babe#i shouldn't be#i should be doing the thing#but im not#and i won't#until the anxiety kicks in and makes my brain do it#because my brain does not have chemicals without anxiety#it has no chemcal#no chemcl for me#God they all have adhd too. like genuinely. before the powers. they all had adhd. so they got ADHD and speed#fate worse than death i think#anyway wild given like my blog title and who i post about all the time but Barry Allen is my spirit animal#we both procrastinate and hyperfocus#we're both the quiet zoned out adhd that doesn't get diagnosed as a kid#both late to everything cause we got sidetracked#both know WAY too much about a specific field#both very academic focused#FUN FACT ABOUT ME! i was almost a forensic scientist i got accepted for the course i went to fake crime scenes and sat in on a live autopsy#fun times...#anyway now im working on my doctorate. adhd be damned! i fail upwards! woo!#sometimes I genuinely wonder how the fuck i got here in life. surely its a cosmic prank#(wanna clarify that i did not fail the Forensic Science course. i literally only applied cause that was the Flash job)#(so i checked it out and passed on it)#other things i got accepted to: pre med! psych! business! comp sci! a law school in England!#man high school me had no fucking clue what to do lmao. i was like 'ill apply to everything and just go where i get in'#then i got in everywhere and i was like '... fuck'#Forensic Science was really cool though. it was top of the list. they had an entire class on blood splatter?!?
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i keep forgetting what's considered like... Common knowledge of bugs. Frequently I am shocked by someone not knowing what a larval ladybug looks like because I grew up with those so clearly everyone should know what a larval ladybug looks like. But people Don't. and that's crazy. what does the general public know about bugs. idk anymore
#this post was spurred on by someone not knowing that you generally shouldn't touch fuzzy caterpillars#...and sent a picture to a gc in which they were holding a fuzzy caterpillar . causing the rest of the (bug people centric) chat to go 😨#and i'm just thinking. Do people not know this ? is this something most people aren't aware of? ur telling me most people don't know about#flannel moth caterpillars ? you guys didn't have to be wary of these things growing up? that's wild#what does the average not-bug-inclined person know about bugs. i don't know.#clamtalk#bugposting#i am talkative lately i apologize. ur getting all my thoughts. i have much to say. etc.
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I'm on day 5 of migraine hell and I've just been in bed all day while it's been storming outside, and just when I start to feel (physically) okay, I get hit by Big Sad.
#Eli Speaks#it shouldn't really surprise me#ive been getting hit by these specific sad feelings a lot latelt#*lately#and idrk what to do with them#ive been meaning to talk to my therapist about this#but theres so much fucking context to get into#and just thinking about that feels overwhelming#mostly emotionally#but if i dont talk about it ill also explode#unfortunately i cant even really talk about it here#doesnt feel right#i wish i could talk to the people who know#but thats the problem#they dont want to talk to me#i couldve reached out before things got too bad#but its too late now#its been too late for 6 months#hell its prob been too late a lot longer than that#but thats when they finally said it was too much#and i get it#i fucked up#im willing to accept that this is the repercussions of me fucking up#and that they have every right not to want to talk to me or have me in their life#but idk where that leaves me really#ive been trying to better myself#i want to be a better person and better friend#but i also wish i couldve done better in the past#ill try not to dwell ill try to move forward ill try to be better for the friends i still have and the friends i may make in the future#i hope theyre doing well and are getting what they were looking for genuinely
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